Who pimped my ride??

To the %*&@$ it may concern:

The dime sized chunk you took out of my bumper has made me furious, and I must share my frustration. My very first brand spankin’ new car and some near sighted dill weed nudges up to my poor, innocent bumper until their license plate screw viciously digs into the smooth, dare I say perfect, back side.

Your failure to respect the junk in my trunk has been eating away at me for days, so I must tell you the level of disappointment and lack of trust I have in you – you mystery bumper nudging butt head. I took special care to avoid the prime parking spot near the station wagon at target knowing the 8 year old inside was bound to test the hinge in his mother’s car door… likely dimpling the smooth complexion of my passenger side. I have even been taking corners a little slower to avoid that curb I usually take out.

Yes, I’ve been taking special care to show this new car a little love in hopes that on that -25 wind chill day it will greet me with a smile and say “Hey, buddy! I know you don’t want to walk home in the cold, dark, up to your femur-snow drifts. Let me start right up and get toasty and warm for you.” I tried to protect it from the harsh world, but you – mystery bus rider – have tainted my wheels.

Thanks for getting that first ding out of the way for me. I was really dreading the day I had to come to terms with the fact that I put the first scratch on the surface. You really did me a big favor…. So thanks for that. I hope one day you come forward so I can show my deep appreciation in your bumper. Until then, keep on truckin’.