I award you a green thumbs up for your continued efforts to soften your carbon footprint. However while you work to wisely sort your waste, I can’t help but notice you have overlooked a couple of minor details in your environmental movements. Every Wednesday morning you proudly display a cornucopia of recyclables. From large cardboard boxes, to Fiji water bottlers, you neatly arrange your tidy trash week after week.
What you have clearly over looked is the fact that your elegantly presented bin blows over about 14 minutes after you drive away. “Impossible!”, you say? Oh, quite the opposite. You see after letting the dog fertilize the lawn she proudly chases after your stray Gatorade bottles and crushed milk cartons for a few minutes. When the novelty wares thin, we pick up your recyclables and tuck them neatly in our trash can. Our unsorted, messy trash can.
Environmentally irresponsible? Maybe. Lazy? Likely. Polluters? Ahh… actually no. We’ll leave that ball in your court, Mrs. recycling lady. Yes your intentions are good, yet you are single handedly littering the neighborhood week after week. Much like a 5 year old's first attempt to use a hand mixer, there comes a point when even the most patient of mothers realizes their little helper is more of a mess than benefit. And you, our neighborhood litter bug, are a bigger mess than benefit. Your failed efforts make as much sense as an environmentally responsible light bulb...made out of toxic, hazardous materials.
So… next time you turn your nose up at our failure to recycle, or send a picture to the association to prove our dog takes a dookie in the grass – please take comfort in knowing we are doing our part too. Before her fresh environmental movement settles in the soil, we promptly seal it in a plastic bag, (which likely contains B2), and toss it in the trash right next to your meticulously sorted droppings.
Of course if you’d rather, we can put it on your doorstep – seeing that your party pizza box has found its way to ours….. You’re call.
